The Braineater Gazette & Clarion

Edinburgh notes, Saturday
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Back from Edinburgh! Wish I was still there! (I was definitely planning to not go next year. Maaayyyybe just for a weekend?)

Amount of booze, coffee and doughnuts consumed: Less than last year. Though probably only because the doughnut van wasn't there this year.
Sleep deprivation: About the same as last year
Poor planning leading to much dashing from old town to new town: Quite a lot less than last year, well done my spreadsheet skills!
Shows seen over three full days and two part days: 22 (of which 1 dance, 1 acrobatics, 20 comedy- 3 of which were instances of Alternative Comedy Memorial Society)
Days without a sore throat that hurts every time I laugh: 1
Shows missed: 4 (Decided to get up late and miss a morning one; decided to go to bed early and miss a midnight one; previous show badly overran; couldn't find venue. Like, I defy someone to walk down Victoria Street and find The Liquid Room, it DOES NOT EXIST.)
Performers making reference to the same army recruitment ad: 2
Most times seeing same performer: 3 (in own show and two mixed bills)
Unexpected onstage male nudity incidents: 2 (with a further 3 extremely revealing male skintight bodysuit incidents)
Unexpected onstage hats with rabbits on: 2

Plans to write up gigs properly: *out of cucumber error, please reboot*

Edinburgh show notes again.
( Wednesday )

( Thursday )

So I spent 8 days at the Edinburgh festival and went to 49 events, featuring well over a hundred performers. List post! (I'll post brief notes from the gigs later with a cut so non-comedy-obsessives can skip it.)

Days that went entirely to plan: 2 (not bad!)
Things I intended to see but completely forgot about because they were free and therefore I didn't have a ticket to remind me where to go next: 2
Things I missed for other reasons: 4 (misread time on ticket, left stuff at hotel and had to fetch it instead of going to next gig, realised I had overestimated my stamina for walks at 10 in the morning, realised it was too far from the next gig)
Things I walked out of: 2 (one too loud, one turned out to be audience-walks-around-performers and my joints hurt)
Days it rained: 4
Days of rain that coincided with days I had hopefully put on sandals: 3
Most alcohol drunk in a day: 3 units (not in my twenties any more)
Most servings of fruit/veg in a day: 3 (oops)
Most coffee drunk in a day: 3 cups
Doughnuts eaten: 9 (but six of them were those mini ones)
Least hours of sleep in a night: 5 (not in my twenties any more)
Paracetamol: 8 (see above re: joints hurting)
Number of times crossed North Bridge: at least 20
Number of people killed for getting in my bloody way and blocking the bloody pavement, don't they realise there's a whole bloody festival's-worth of people behind them trying to get somewhere, for god's sake: 0 (excellent!)
Number of free shows attended: 6
Number of non-comedy events attended: 4 (Japanese theatre, Baroque music, meditation, circus)
Number of shows featuring at least one woman: 24 (Shows that didn't were a mix of solo male stand-ups, showcase things with changing line-ups that didn't have women that day, and all-male sketch groups)
Number of shows featuring at least one person of colour: 3 (two of which weren't comedy.)
Amount of beer spilt over my bag: 1/4 pint
Shows where an audience member was chucked out: 2 (both for drunkeness in the middle of the day)
Favourite things seen in the street: A chap flyering in a dragon costume and carrying a chihuahua, a woman telling a children's story about a tiger eating somebody's mother and meeting a gory end.
Show I most regret missing: Voices In Your Head
Best show seen on a whim: Squidboy
Performers/gigs I hadn't seen before but will definitely try to see again: the Alternative Comedy Memorial Society, Set List, School Night, Mischief Theatre, Casual Violence, Beta Males, Theatre Beating, Late Night Gimp Fight, Jigsaw, Giraffe, The Horne Section, Croft and Pearce, Birthday Girls, John-Luke Roberts, Caroline Hardie, Mike Wozniak, Rachel Parris, John Robins, Chris Coltrane, The Boy With Tape on his Face.
Badges won for being best audience member: 1
Times I wanted to come home: 0